Saturday, 23 October 2010

Weird e-mails

This is a lazy post inspired by Emily Macintosh's blog My life on Match and more I received a few years ago the following introductory mail from a gentlemen who's pictured him in his Sunday suit in front of what looked like a mansion:

Dear L'Amoureuse,

I am contacting you, further to your entry in this on-line directory, as I consider that we have much in common, and would like to get to know you better - on that basis, let me introduce myself.

I am thirty years old, and live in the South Downs on the Surrey/Hampshire/West Sussex border near Haslemere; I commute daily into London, although frequently work from home. I work in public and Parliamentary affairs as a researcher, and have a long interest in current affairs. 

I am a musician in my spare time, and play the piano and organ. I also enjoy reading, going to the theatre and attending musical concerts (and opera). My interest in sport is primarily as a spectator, and I am a regular attendee at rugby, horse-racing and cricket fixtures. I am a member of my village cricket club, and play a few Sunday games during the season. However, I am just as happy relaxing at home, or enjoying good conversation over a glass of wine. I appreciate the beauty of the countryside, and travel as often as I am able. 

I hope that you consider that there is some significant synergy between us, and that there is merit in exploring getting to know each other better. 

I wish you well, in either case, and look forward to hearing from you. 

With every best wish,


Neil. x

Needless to say that I didn't find much in common with the gentlemen but did feel that I may have stepped in time... XV century anyone?

Sunday, 10 October 2010

L'Amoureuse stars in a Romcom

We were due to meet at 7pm outside a café in West London, he hadn't asked for my number and I wasn't willing to give it to him or take his. Except, I had got caught up with some problems at work and was running late. A quick look on the website and I saved his number on my phone. As I rush to the tube station I call him,thinking it would be nicer to speak to him than to message him. Unluckily I get his voice mail. "I am very very sorry, but I am running late due to work. I should be there by 7.15pm".Off I go in the tube station which is packed. I miss the first train, and the second. I finally get on number 3. As we come out onto the above ground part of my journey I get a text from Mr TV "Thanks goodness for that I got distracted and got on the wrong tube. see you there"
I get to the café as planned 7.15pm and within minutes so does he. He is shorter than I expected, somehow they always are, it must be the ft vs m that mess it up for me. He looks like his pictures, but again, not the way I expected. My day at work has been pretty bad and I ask him for a big favour, ditch the café place in favour of the pub across the street and a stronger drink. He obliges.
We get a drink and find a table in a quietish area. He is rather sweet, interesting and funny. Despite being a Assistant Director for TV series and movies he doesn't name drop, which is quite nice. I admit to him that I am useless at recognising celebs to the point that after my country won the world cup (the football one, there is no others ones here), I got accosted by one of the team's player, Marcel Desailly,  a few month later and had no idea who he was, even asked him if he was French to which I got a Oui and a silly smile, he obviously thought I had recognised him.
We talk about bad dating experiences and I tell him a story I heard a couple of days before.
One of my colleagues went on a blind date. She met the guy at a bar. They are both seating at a table when he fetch his wallet from his shirt's chest pocket. Out flies a condom and hit the guy seating at the table next to theirs in the forehead. He turns around and offers the condom back to my colleague "I take it this is yours?" She slides it across the table to her date with a Noooo.... Needless to say that she wasn't impressed but little did she know that it could get worst. As it got hotter (I mean in the bar, not between them) he went to take his hoodie top off, only to pull out his shirt too. And here he was seating in front of her literally half naked "This is not going to well, is it?" I believe that is the point when she left.
I am now looking at my date "I mean, how arrogant does he have to be to carry a condom in his pocket on date one?" His face changes, just slightly. I tease him "Come on then. Empty your pocket." He goes white. Oh shit! Surely not!
"Well, every guy carries a condom in his wallet. I always have one." I burst out laughing. "In your wallet, yes. But in your pocket? For easy reach?" He relaxes again and we take back where we left out on a friendly and funny chatter.
It is getting late and it is a school night. I make my excuses and we leave. We say goodbye, the French way, a kiss on each cheek with a promise to chat again soon.
He is sweet but I didn't feel the spark. I don't think we will see each other again.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

L'Amoureuse back in full speed

After my date on Saturday I have managed to secure two more dates for the next two weeks.
Next date, tomorrow night with Mr TV. Despite quite a few message, no phone number requested, and therefore, as a good Rules Girl (and yes, I know this has become a rarity) I have not provided it. We have agreed where to meet and what time, I just have to hope I/he makes it in time. Back to old fashion style.
My next date is with Mr Snag. We had a one on one meeting, professional one, and as he had not yet asked when we should meet up, despite his brave text attempts, at the end of it I simply asked : "So, when did you want to catch up otherwise? I am busy Tuesday and Wednesday"
A smile immediately appeared on his face. "Er... How about next Wednesday?... Wait, let me just double check, I am notorious for double booking myself. Yes, next Wednesday."
"Ok, then"
"What time will you finish work?"
"6ish?" And that's how you confirm a date. Ok, may be not very Rules Girl or is it? I know from what I have been told that he has had a crush on me for months. Every time the poor man tried to talked to me in our kitchenette area at work I would make an escape to avoid the "date" subject, mainly because of the Gossip Queens (all of which are male by the way). I felt that, as he had asked me out, it was only fair for me to let him know when I was busy. Right?
And, because men are like buses, you wait for one for ages and then 3 arrive at once, I today received this text from one of my contractors:
"Hi LAmoureuse, you still need to let me know which bottle of Champagne I owe you. Mr Contractor x"
Now, I don't know about you, but when I send a text to one of my professional contact I don't usually finish it with "x"... The reason for the "Champagne I owe you" is that I did him and his client a big favour a couple of months back and as a joke pointed out that they owed me big time and that chocolate just wouldn't cut it, that my French origins were screaming for Champagne. Truth is, I make that same joke most days and I am lucky to even get a Christmas card from any of those guys. So this came as a bit of a... surprise? shock?
I have been thinking of an appropriate answer and googling it I found the following which might either confirm that it was a joke, or send me in front of a judge for corruption charges:
Dom Perignon Rose 1996 300cl, at a very cool £3,999 (just in case you don't believe me )
And if any of you feel generous, leave me a message and I will let you know where to send it to.

Monday, 4 October 2010

No sparks with Mr Sparky

I was quite apprehensive of my date with Mr Sparky, his profile said he was 40 years old and from past experience I knew that a picture might be worth a thousand words, but it can also be 10 years old and hide a very different face. 
About a year ago I had agreed to meet with this guy, just for a drink not too far from home. He looked quite cute on his profile photo and sounded kind of interesting. After a few messages I had some doubt about his state of mind but put them aside and met him anyway. As I was waiting for him in front of the local tube station I kept scanning any tall slim dark hair man who passed by me as they just whizzed by. Suddenly I could see this tall plum bad skin half bold dark hair man approaching me with a huge green. "Are you L'Amoureuse?" "Err... yeah...?" At this point I could have just run. I however took pity of him and hoped that he may have a personality to make up for it but just in case I planned my escape route "Just to let you know, I can't stay too long my friend is flying out tomorrow morning for 6 months and it's my last chance to catch up with him. So I'll just stay for one drink."
We got a drink and we had barely sat down that he proceeded telling me how he had lived with his ex and that she had dumped him after he suffered a major injury at football which made him put a lot of wait on. She also want on to empty his bank account and she was the devil reincarnated etc. I reminded him that "unfortunately" I had to shoot off, that when I realised that not only was he revenge full but he was also clueless when he asked "Should we meet again?".... Mmmm... not sure I really want to put myself through that again, but thanks for asking all the same! Obviously I wasn't that cruel and instead I just smiled and left.

I was seriously hoping that this time would be different and I was nicely surprised when I arrived to find waiting for me a rather cute man, looking much younger than his 40 years, smartly dressed and smiling. We go to the local Tapas bar. I assume that we are just going to seat down for a drink when the waitress brings us menus and he starts looking at it. Ah... Not quite what I had in mind but I had to go with the flow.
As it turned out Mr Sparky was interesting, we both love dogs but agreed that each to his bed and dogs and humans weren't meant to share bed. We had an interest and curiosity for all foods and would try pretty much anything. We understood where our food came from and both had seen the process through from the beast to the plate. We didn't see ourselves leaving for ever in town and like the idea to move out to the country side to a simpler life. 
Then, something went wrong, very wrong.
 First, I started to feel I need to show what a tough girl I was and the worst of my work persona came out. I almost went into cock fighting mode. It might work on my building site to get the boys back in place but never, ever, should I use it on a date... I quickly felt that I was loosing it. And couldn't really blame him. 
Then this lovely guy came out with the worst kind of stereotypical, borderline racism, he could have. Now, to place it into context I leave near a very large Asian community. A lot of my friends come from the World, all colours, religions and countries. When I travel I enjoy experiencing the locals way of live and understanding, embracing the culture. Him commenting on how a neighbourhood went down the hills once Asians moved in really didn't go down well, and just then. He had truly lost me. Shame, he was cute and had seemed intelligent. It just shows the impact of ignorance.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Friday, 1 October 2010

Pimped out!

What a week!
It started poorly, waking up Monday morning, grumpy, late for work, feeling miserable. The weather seemed to match my mood, low grey clouds following me around with one of those silly rains that just wasn't hard enough to justify the use of an umbrella, yet thin enough to go straight through my coat.
I stepped into the office only to realised that the night fairy must have been dealing some pretty bad stuff the previous night for the whole office felt like Grumpy's family had come together for a miserable wedding.
By Wednesday I had managed to cheer up just enough that I could manage smiling on an on-off basis. It was time to go back on the dating website. After all I had lost two suitors and needed to get my potentials back to a more sustainable level.
I first e-mailed Mr Sparky. He had gone as far as sending me his mobile number and asking me out... a month ago. My e-mail was short and to the point: "Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while. Work has been crazy and I could not face my laptop by the time I got home. If you're still up for it I wouldn't mind catching up."
Then I e-mail Mr TV, he too had asked me out but had not yet asked for my number. The message was along the same line as Mr Sparky's.
Truthfully, I wasn't expecting much. After all, a month had gone by and they could have easily met someone or given up on the whole on-line dating thing. But as my mum would say: "Qui ne tente rien n'a rien" (If you don't try, you don't get).
To my surprise they both answered within 24 hours, they obviously haven't read the Rules! As a result I have one date tomorrow night with Mr Sparky. Mr TV needs to get his latest work schedule but it sounds like it might be another date for next week. But at this stage only a TBC.
The cherry on the cake came in the form on an unexpected text last night. "Heyyy... Do you have any plans for tonight?" I had to check the name twice. Mr Snag. My youngest suitor as yet, only 9 years younger than me. What is 9 years when you are 109? A drop in the ocean. Right now, it's almost a 1/3 of my age.
Luckily, 2 hours before I had made plan to meet up with a friend, not sure I would have been such a good Rules Girl otherwise. "Sorry, out with friends"
"Ok, no probs- was wondering if you wanted to come out for drinks tonight down the road... You know, I found out today that I will be leaving the project in 2 weeks :-(... Would be nice if you could spare some time for me next for some dinner/drinks...??? :-)" Eurr... Did he mean next... week? or next, as in "you have spared some time for Mr Smile in the office, now that he has runaway to another country I am next on the list"???
I assumed it was the first option: "I am sure we can sort something out"
I then did the mistake to share this bit of information with the girls at work. They have been following most of it in the past without a problem, but as we are nearing the end of our project and we need to get the works done by any means, my Aussie friend decided to pimp me out to Mr Snag!
Whilst I was out at a meeting he came to our office to talk to Miss Aussie who needed some work to be completed on one of her jobs. They started talking about the expected end of project party and he offered "you could be my plus one", she laughed, "I think someone might be jealous". Him, "Maybe you could put in a good word for me?" "Well, you sort out my glass and I see what I can do".
Is that really what I am worth? One outstanding piece of glass on a job? Really? I feel cheap. Very cheap.
Next time, if you are going to pimp me out, make sure you get all 257 outstanding items completed!