Monday, 13 December 2010

Trying harder

The last few months have flown by without me being able to see them. At first it was work taking all my time. I had a huge project to complete at the end of October. Then there was the aftermath of the opening, the closing out, the work parties and the stress of redundancy. This was followed by my first holidays since February, spent with friends and family in snowy France.
Don't get me wrong, there was a few, well, how to describe them... Incidents? There was the Engineer who despite being "madly in love" with his girlfriend fancied the pants of me and decided that a test of the cake in the window was OK despite the lovely cake in his plate. I can honestly say that I kissed this boy and didn't like it.
But all in all, not much time for dating. But this is the past and now I am ready to get back to my challenge.
First date Saturday with someone I met on line and spoke to a few times. He seems nice but... But, I won't judge him just by a few mails and phone call. You never know, he might just turn up to be perfect for me.

My list to Santa

A lot has happened since my last blog, but unfortunately no dates.
I was made redundant at the end of last month, I made the most of it and took the Eurostar to France to go and visit friends and family. I suddenly realised that I had more fan than I expected as my best friend's husband started telling me that I was being a bit harsh with some of my dates. Ouch!
They met on the internet about 7 years ago and have since got married and have two beautiful little girls. I therefore feel that they are well placed to comment on my little dating experiment. But I sure didn't expect to find such an avid reader in her husband. It was surreal to hear them debating about some of my posts whilst we all tried to warm up by the cosy fire in the family home watching the snow slowly covering the garden. My friend's "Jolie Maman" even got in on the dating debate. It was interesting to have their feedback and to hear their stories as even Jolie Maman had some interesting on line dating experiences. Apparently I am not the only one to have man lying about their age, but usually not by 15 years!
All those discussion helped me decide what I want for Christmas.

Dear Santa,

I have been a (relatively) good girl this year and I would like to ask you the following for Christmas:
A few dates each month with seemingly "normal" men:

  • preferably aged between 28 and 40,
  • who are not already married, engaged or otherwise taken,
  • who earn a decent living and can manage their own money, not drink it in the pub or spend it on console games and/or prostitutes,
  • who are not dependent on drugs/ alcohol / mummy,
  • who can make me laugh and treat me like a princess without being gay (I already have friends like that)

Thank you in advance Santa.


PS: If one of them could be The One too that would be great. Merci!

Thursday, 18 November 2010

A man and his dogs

I feel horrible! Today I have received an invitation to answer a questionnaire on Match. As usual, I looked up the man's profile. As usual, I started with his pictures, I'm not vain, but the truth is if I find him really unattractive there is little chance of it working out. I then read is profile, regardless of the pictures. This guy is not ugly, just a bit on the heavy side and so I am not 100% sure about him. As I read his profile I see something that really grabs my attention. He has a business looking after pets. As it happens I decided at the beginning of the year that I wanted to retrain as an animal behaviourist and I need all the contacts I can get for this massive career change.
Is it bad that I want to answer his e-mail just so that I can add him to my network? 

Sunday, 7 November 2010

How singlehood affects your memory

The problem with being single and living alone is that on those days were you feel a bit down the only thing you have are the sweet memories of your life with your Ex.
It wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that suddenly he turns into the perfect man, the one who escaped. And yes, he was great. Tall, dark and handsome, a fantastic dad to his little girl, financially stable and responsible, a great and caring lover.
I think it is only made worst by the fact that I had a date on Friday night and I haven't heard back from him. Yes, I know, it has only been 2 days. Truth is you might get the girl to read The Rules, but you can't get the girl to kick out old habits and insecurities that easily!
Don't get me wrong, my Ex wasn't perfect, there was down sides too. His use of the word "cock" as a tool to make me cringe, especially when he was drunk would be one and... And that's all I can think off. Damn loneliness! Apparently it also makes one forgetful! For my next boyfriend, I am keeping notes every time he does something that winds me up, this way, on the down days, I will be able to get the little book out and remind myself why he is my Ex!
Rant over and smile back. Until the next date...

L'Amoureuse is getting ready for confession

Father I have sinned. It has been 2 months since my last confession.
I have broken The Rules on several occasions
I have been dating several men.
I have kissed (and am about to tell) a man already taken
I have been pimped out (again) by my friends, but somehow I am considering taking advantage of it
I have bad thought about several of those men and not all of them kind.

Father, there is just too much to confess to fit in just the one post, I shall come back on a regular basis in the next week to give you the full details of my sins.

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Weird e-mails

This is a lazy post inspired by Emily Macintosh's blog My life on Match and more I received a few years ago the following introductory mail from a gentlemen who's pictured him in his Sunday suit in front of what looked like a mansion:

Dear L'Amoureuse,

I am contacting you, further to your entry in this on-line directory, as I consider that we have much in common, and would like to get to know you better - on that basis, let me introduce myself.

I am thirty years old, and live in the South Downs on the Surrey/Hampshire/West Sussex border near Haslemere; I commute daily into London, although frequently work from home. I work in public and Parliamentary affairs as a researcher, and have a long interest in current affairs. 

I am a musician in my spare time, and play the piano and organ. I also enjoy reading, going to the theatre and attending musical concerts (and opera). My interest in sport is primarily as a spectator, and I am a regular attendee at rugby, horse-racing and cricket fixtures. I am a member of my village cricket club, and play a few Sunday games during the season. However, I am just as happy relaxing at home, or enjoying good conversation over a glass of wine. I appreciate the beauty of the countryside, and travel as often as I am able. 

I hope that you consider that there is some significant synergy between us, and that there is merit in exploring getting to know each other better. 

I wish you well, in either case, and look forward to hearing from you. 

With every best wish,


Neil. x

Needless to say that I didn't find much in common with the gentlemen but did feel that I may have stepped in time... XV century anyone?

Sunday, 10 October 2010

L'Amoureuse stars in a Romcom

We were due to meet at 7pm outside a café in West London, he hadn't asked for my number and I wasn't willing to give it to him or take his. Except, I had got caught up with some problems at work and was running late. A quick look on the website and I saved his number on my phone. As I rush to the tube station I call him,thinking it would be nicer to speak to him than to message him. Unluckily I get his voice mail. "I am very very sorry, but I am running late due to work. I should be there by 7.15pm".Off I go in the tube station which is packed. I miss the first train, and the second. I finally get on number 3. As we come out onto the above ground part of my journey I get a text from Mr TV "Thanks goodness for that I got distracted and got on the wrong tube. see you there"
I get to the café as planned 7.15pm and within minutes so does he. He is shorter than I expected, somehow they always are, it must be the ft vs m that mess it up for me. He looks like his pictures, but again, not the way I expected. My day at work has been pretty bad and I ask him for a big favour, ditch the café place in favour of the pub across the street and a stronger drink. He obliges.
We get a drink and find a table in a quietish area. He is rather sweet, interesting and funny. Despite being a Assistant Director for TV series and movies he doesn't name drop, which is quite nice. I admit to him that I am useless at recognising celebs to the point that after my country won the world cup (the football one, there is no others ones here), I got accosted by one of the team's player, Marcel Desailly,  a few month later and had no idea who he was, even asked him if he was French to which I got a Oui and a silly smile, he obviously thought I had recognised him.
We talk about bad dating experiences and I tell him a story I heard a couple of days before.
One of my colleagues went on a blind date. She met the guy at a bar. They are both seating at a table when he fetch his wallet from his shirt's chest pocket. Out flies a condom and hit the guy seating at the table next to theirs in the forehead. He turns around and offers the condom back to my colleague "I take it this is yours?" She slides it across the table to her date with a Noooo.... Needless to say that she wasn't impressed but little did she know that it could get worst. As it got hotter (I mean in the bar, not between them) he went to take his hoodie top off, only to pull out his shirt too. And here he was seating in front of her literally half naked "This is not going to well, is it?" I believe that is the point when she left.
I am now looking at my date "I mean, how arrogant does he have to be to carry a condom in his pocket on date one?" His face changes, just slightly. I tease him "Come on then. Empty your pocket." He goes white. Oh shit! Surely not!
"Well, every guy carries a condom in his wallet. I always have one." I burst out laughing. "In your wallet, yes. But in your pocket? For easy reach?" He relaxes again and we take back where we left out on a friendly and funny chatter.
It is getting late and it is a school night. I make my excuses and we leave. We say goodbye, the French way, a kiss on each cheek with a promise to chat again soon.
He is sweet but I didn't feel the spark. I don't think we will see each other again.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

L'Amoureuse back in full speed

After my date on Saturday I have managed to secure two more dates for the next two weeks.
Next date, tomorrow night with Mr TV. Despite quite a few message, no phone number requested, and therefore, as a good Rules Girl (and yes, I know this has become a rarity) I have not provided it. We have agreed where to meet and what time, I just have to hope I/he makes it in time. Back to old fashion style.
My next date is with Mr Snag. We had a one on one meeting, professional one, and as he had not yet asked when we should meet up, despite his brave text attempts, at the end of it I simply asked : "So, when did you want to catch up otherwise? I am busy Tuesday and Wednesday"
A smile immediately appeared on his face. "Er... How about next Wednesday?... Wait, let me just double check, I am notorious for double booking myself. Yes, next Wednesday."
"Ok, then"
"What time will you finish work?"
"6ish?" And that's how you confirm a date. Ok, may be not very Rules Girl or is it? I know from what I have been told that he has had a crush on me for months. Every time the poor man tried to talked to me in our kitchenette area at work I would make an escape to avoid the "date" subject, mainly because of the Gossip Queens (all of which are male by the way). I felt that, as he had asked me out, it was only fair for me to let him know when I was busy. Right?
And, because men are like buses, you wait for one for ages and then 3 arrive at once, I today received this text from one of my contractors:
"Hi LAmoureuse, you still need to let me know which bottle of Champagne I owe you. Mr Contractor x"
Now, I don't know about you, but when I send a text to one of my professional contact I don't usually finish it with "x"... The reason for the "Champagne I owe you" is that I did him and his client a big favour a couple of months back and as a joke pointed out that they owed me big time and that chocolate just wouldn't cut it, that my French origins were screaming for Champagne. Truth is, I make that same joke most days and I am lucky to even get a Christmas card from any of those guys. So this came as a bit of a... surprise? shock?
I have been thinking of an appropriate answer and googling it I found the following which might either confirm that it was a joke, or send me in front of a judge for corruption charges:
Dom Perignon Rose 1996 300cl, at a very cool £3,999 (just in case you don't believe me )
And if any of you feel generous, leave me a message and I will let you know where to send it to.

Monday, 4 October 2010

No sparks with Mr Sparky

I was quite apprehensive of my date with Mr Sparky, his profile said he was 40 years old and from past experience I knew that a picture might be worth a thousand words, but it can also be 10 years old and hide a very different face. 
About a year ago I had agreed to meet with this guy, just for a drink not too far from home. He looked quite cute on his profile photo and sounded kind of interesting. After a few messages I had some doubt about his state of mind but put them aside and met him anyway. As I was waiting for him in front of the local tube station I kept scanning any tall slim dark hair man who passed by me as they just whizzed by. Suddenly I could see this tall plum bad skin half bold dark hair man approaching me with a huge green. "Are you L'Amoureuse?" "Err... yeah...?" At this point I could have just run. I however took pity of him and hoped that he may have a personality to make up for it but just in case I planned my escape route "Just to let you know, I can't stay too long my friend is flying out tomorrow morning for 6 months and it's my last chance to catch up with him. So I'll just stay for one drink."
We got a drink and we had barely sat down that he proceeded telling me how he had lived with his ex and that she had dumped him after he suffered a major injury at football which made him put a lot of wait on. She also want on to empty his bank account and she was the devil reincarnated etc. I reminded him that "unfortunately" I had to shoot off, that when I realised that not only was he revenge full but he was also clueless when he asked "Should we meet again?".... Mmmm... not sure I really want to put myself through that again, but thanks for asking all the same! Obviously I wasn't that cruel and instead I just smiled and left.

I was seriously hoping that this time would be different and I was nicely surprised when I arrived to find waiting for me a rather cute man, looking much younger than his 40 years, smartly dressed and smiling. We go to the local Tapas bar. I assume that we are just going to seat down for a drink when the waitress brings us menus and he starts looking at it. Ah... Not quite what I had in mind but I had to go with the flow.
As it turned out Mr Sparky was interesting, we both love dogs but agreed that each to his bed and dogs and humans weren't meant to share bed. We had an interest and curiosity for all foods and would try pretty much anything. We understood where our food came from and both had seen the process through from the beast to the plate. We didn't see ourselves leaving for ever in town and like the idea to move out to the country side to a simpler life. 
Then, something went wrong, very wrong.
 First, I started to feel I need to show what a tough girl I was and the worst of my work persona came out. I almost went into cock fighting mode. It might work on my building site to get the boys back in place but never, ever, should I use it on a date... I quickly felt that I was loosing it. And couldn't really blame him. 
Then this lovely guy came out with the worst kind of stereotypical, borderline racism, he could have. Now, to place it into context I leave near a very large Asian community. A lot of my friends come from the World, all colours, religions and countries. When I travel I enjoy experiencing the locals way of live and understanding, embracing the culture. Him commenting on how a neighbourhood went down the hills once Asians moved in really didn't go down well, and just then. He had truly lost me. Shame, he was cute and had seemed intelligent. It just shows the impact of ignorance.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Friday, 1 October 2010

Pimped out!

What a week!
It started poorly, waking up Monday morning, grumpy, late for work, feeling miserable. The weather seemed to match my mood, low grey clouds following me around with one of those silly rains that just wasn't hard enough to justify the use of an umbrella, yet thin enough to go straight through my coat.
I stepped into the office only to realised that the night fairy must have been dealing some pretty bad stuff the previous night for the whole office felt like Grumpy's family had come together for a miserable wedding.
By Wednesday I had managed to cheer up just enough that I could manage smiling on an on-off basis. It was time to go back on the dating website. After all I had lost two suitors and needed to get my potentials back to a more sustainable level.
I first e-mailed Mr Sparky. He had gone as far as sending me his mobile number and asking me out... a month ago. My e-mail was short and to the point: "Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while. Work has been crazy and I could not face my laptop by the time I got home. If you're still up for it I wouldn't mind catching up."
Then I e-mail Mr TV, he too had asked me out but had not yet asked for my number. The message was along the same line as Mr Sparky's.
Truthfully, I wasn't expecting much. After all, a month had gone by and they could have easily met someone or given up on the whole on-line dating thing. But as my mum would say: "Qui ne tente rien n'a rien" (If you don't try, you don't get).
To my surprise they both answered within 24 hours, they obviously haven't read the Rules! As a result I have one date tomorrow night with Mr Sparky. Mr TV needs to get his latest work schedule but it sounds like it might be another date for next week. But at this stage only a TBC.
The cherry on the cake came in the form on an unexpected text last night. "Heyyy... Do you have any plans for tonight?" I had to check the name twice. Mr Snag. My youngest suitor as yet, only 9 years younger than me. What is 9 years when you are 109? A drop in the ocean. Right now, it's almost a 1/3 of my age.
Luckily, 2 hours before I had made plan to meet up with a friend, not sure I would have been such a good Rules Girl otherwise. "Sorry, out with friends"
"Ok, no probs- was wondering if you wanted to come out for drinks tonight down the road... You know, I found out today that I will be leaving the project in 2 weeks :-(... Would be nice if you could spare some time for me next for some dinner/drinks...??? :-)" Eurr... Did he mean next... week? or next, as in "you have spared some time for Mr Smile in the office, now that he has runaway to another country I am next on the list"???
I assumed it was the first option: "I am sure we can sort something out"
I then did the mistake to share this bit of information with the girls at work. They have been following most of it in the past without a problem, but as we are nearing the end of our project and we need to get the works done by any means, my Aussie friend decided to pimp me out to Mr Snag!
Whilst I was out at a meeting he came to our office to talk to Miss Aussie who needed some work to be completed on one of her jobs. They started talking about the expected end of project party and he offered "you could be my plus one", she laughed, "I think someone might be jealous". Him, "Maybe you could put in a good word for me?" "Well, you sort out my glass and I see what I can do".
Is that really what I am worth? One outstanding piece of glass on a job? Really? I feel cheap. Very cheap.
Next time, if you are going to pimp me out, make sure you get all 257 outstanding items completed!

Monday, 27 September 2010

Recruiting: competent gardener, reliable butler

This month, after finally managing to put my house in order, I saw my gardener and my butler resign.
My gardener left for Kenya, and, as it turned out, my butler was already working for another home. I am now left with a very sweet pool boy who's visits are irregular and often superficial.

One of my friends has worked out that in love we should all have three helpers to look after our home. After all, home is where your heart is.
Although the three roles are quite different, they each convey a function in keeping you sane and entertain throughout your search for Mr Right:
  • The Pool boy: 
Young, attractive and fit, he is quite lay back and mainly wants to play. However, you know that he is not very punctual, cannot be relied on and will leave you to go and work on a larger pool with better benefits without giving you notice. But should he prove himself to be reliable and have some attention to details you might be able to promote him to...
  • The Gardener:
The Gardener is a bit more mature. He knows how to look after a nice flower and will put some love and attention to it. Like the Pool boy he has his own accommodation away from your home, he only comes when he is needed but on a more regular basis than the Pool boy. Your average Pool boy will mainly be used and abused in the summer and only a couple of times in the winter to ensure your pool doesn't freeze over. The Gardener is needed all year around to take care of your secret garden. But be aware that if you start neglecting your garden he will move on to a fresher garden which just doesn't require as much trimming...

But the position that both the Pool boy and the Gardener aspire to is the ultimate one:
  • The Butler:
The Butler is the only one who get to live in your home. He is usually a bit older, has an eye for detail and knows what to do and when to do it without you having to tell him. He will wait at your every need day and night. He is more settled and will even look after the kids when you need to go catch up with the girls for a night out. In short, he is the one who will be turning your house into your home.

Thank you CJ for sharing with me this bit of wisdom.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Breaking the Rules

Today I was feeling a bit down. I felt cheated by Mr Smile kiss and wanted more.
I knew that he was short for time and so I wasn't rising my hopes too high. I struggled all morning at my desk trying to keep my mind busy with work and thankfully work complied. I had a long meeting followed by numerous phone calls with queries along the line of "why is the sky blue?". Around lunch time and after 3 or 4 attempt at creating the perfect "I'm so cool and not that bothered" text I finally send it.
"Hi, I hope you have made good progress on your packing. I was wondering if you would like to meet up tomorrow night?x"
About one hour later I got the following:
"Hey there. Progress is good but the room is still a tip though! I can't tomorrow :( I'd love to meet, but I really just don't have the hours. Friends have already organized my last two nights together with a gig night for tomorrow. We'll speak before I go though. Enjoy riding tonight. X"
And just like that a huge weight came off my shoulders. I knew that I would not have any regrets. I had had a kiss and I had asked if we could meet up. The answer may have been negative but I wouldn't have any what-if's hanging over my head. Tonight I will sleep soundly.
Good night All.

Sweet & Sour

Those are my favourite sweets. I would eat them until my teeth rote. Unfortunately it is also the less pleasant feeling I have been left after today's lunch with Mr Smile.
It is the first time I saw him dressed casually and he looked just as nice and charming as ever. He called me at one on the dot. He was waiting for me on the corner of the street, outside work. He had come into town just to take me for lunch, took the time off his manic packing to meet yours truly. This was a good sign.
As I approached he was chatting with one of his now ex-colleagues, she says hi but look surprised to see me there, meeting up with him. We went to a French boulangerie and we chatted, about everything, anything, just chatted. We then got to the stage where we needed to say what needed to be said.
Mr Smile: "It's a shame we only got to know each other so late.
- I know, I wanted to chat to you longer sometimes but I was aware of the gossip "queens" in the office.
- I have kind of been in a non-relationship mode in the last year and just didn't... I guess that's too much information... But if you are ever thinking of visiting Kenya or Malaysia, let me know... "
Unfortunately, far too soon, I have to go back to work and so we walk back towards his ex-office, my work.
I choose a quieter street where I think there might be less of our colleagues around. I feel very aware that I am near work and not somewhere relaxing and romantic. We pass another one of his ex-colleague. She has always been very quiet, doesn't talk much, but that look and that smile mean a hundred words.
The next street is deserted. We stop, unsure what to say, what to do next. We look at each other and smile. Slowly we reach out for each other... and kiss. A small kiss. More like a peck. "Never mind". Never mind, such a long wait and only a small peck so late in the game. But then we try again, this time it is slightly longer, still soft and too short for my taste, but again I feel too close to work to be comfortable and this is all I can manage. Hardly the romantic kiss I had dreamt off and it leaves on my lips two very opposite tastes. A sweet one, longing for more. More of his lips, more of his eyes, more of his smile. But also a bitter one, one of knowing that no matter what, this is the first and last kiss from Mr Smile. Despite promises of catching up in many months to give me back my book, or in two years, which is how long he thinks it will take him to be fluent in French, we both know that in fact we will probably never meet again. We will be friends on Facebook and send each other a nice little note every few months but probably never meet again.
Sweet and Sour, my favourite sweets indeed.

Sunday, 19 September 2010


There is time when life challenges you and this weekend was one of those.
I went to Mr Smile leaving do on Friday night, or more accurately I went for a drink with my colleagues at the bar where Mr Smile's leaving do was. Selfishly I was keen for my colleagues to leave so that I could go and join him. Unfortunately this did not happen until the time I had to leave to meet with my friend, Mr Ken. So I quickly caught up with him, got slightly teased by some of our colleagues, along the lines of "You can't let her go!" and so on. We stepped outside and agreed to meet again before he leaved.
The plan was originally to meet last night for his second  leaving do, with his friends this time. As he failed to call by the afternoon I called him. I know, this is not Rules like. But in all fairness I thought he may have saved my number on his work phone which I knew he had given back to his company. Anyway, we decided that it might be awkward for both of us if I went, a) he wouldn't have much time to chat with me whilst he caught up with his friends, b) I don't know any of his friends and might end up standing on my own most of the night.

Unfortunately that same day I had received an e-mail from my mum. My baby dog back home was very sick. My high school boyfriend had taken me to the dog rescue centre, 15 years ago, to pick up my very first dog. After viewing all the dogs we had gone back to the reception only to find this tiny puppy in a small cage on top of cages full of kittens. I instantly fell in love.He was 3 months old and he could sit on just one of my knees. He had never walked in grass and he pied like a girl. But he was by far the my biggest love. And now my baby was sick, very sick. I called my mum and she was in tears. She had taken him to the vet and it wasn't looking good. He was old, his breathing was fast and heavy and his heart was weak. Later that night she called me back, my baby had died in his sleep, in his favourite spot. My mum was crying and trying to reassure me/her feel better. Her grandson, as she called him, hadn't suffered. My dad couldn't talk, he was crying. I have only seen him cry twice. When his dad passed away and when my mum's dad passed away. He had always moaned about how I had left them this dog who was a pain in the butt to look after. That whenever they wanted to go somewhere they had to think about what to do with him. How he would poop everywhere. But despite all that, just like my mum and I, he had grown very fond of this little mongrel.
I was pleased I hadn't gone to the party after all. I had been home to take that call.
We had agreed to meet up Monday night for dinner, but the news of my dogs death shook me up more than I would have expected. I had crap Sunday, mainly going through pictures and old video of him playing with his Christmas present, defending hi tennis ball against my malignant hand mischievously trying to prise it from his paws whilst he chewed on my wrist.
And as much as I was keen to see Mr Smile before he left I didn't think I would be great company. I texted him to explaining that I had some bad news from back home and didn't feel up to dinner on Monday, I offered instead that we met up for coffee.
Within 10 minutes he called.
"Is it your dog?
Yes, he didn't make it.
For what you told me he seem to have had a great life. How are you doing?
Not great. But I know he didn't suffer.
Listen, I understand you don't want to dinner, and I know you say you couldn't do lunch, but would you have time for a quick lunch, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday? I still have to give you back your book."
Every time I need cheering up he finds a way to make me feel special. And so, just like that, Monday we are meeting for lunch. I can't guarantee that I will be able to keep my make up from running.

In memory of Jumbet - April 2005 - 18 September 2010
You brought me joy, love and laughter.
You will never be forgotten.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Another one bite the dust

Could this be the end of L'Amoureuse's vermilion's cheeks?
My girlfriends at work have been pushing me to find out whether Mr C was available or not. But how do you go about finding out this kind of information in a work environment without arising suspicions? I mean, it isn't like high school where you would send your BFF to ask his mate whether he had a girlfriend and how he felt about you. Although, to be honest, I had considered and even suggested sending my younger colleague to try to extract the information from one of Mr C's colleague. But the girls convinced me that this method might be too... risqué.
Instead I went for option two (Thank you my Aussie friend). I used his addiction to my cakes (he asks me everyday where is his cake) to innocently find out his marital status.
This morning, as I went into my client's office with a query the daily tease started: "Look, because you haven't brought any of your lovely cake I have to have this awful fried food for breakfast!" (on his desk seats an horrible looking sausage breakfast sandwich half eaten). This time I don't miss my cue: "Well, nothing is stopping you from bringing in your own cake. And if you don't know how to bake it, maybe... get your Mrs to bake it for you."
And the coup de grace, delivered with the face of a teenage boy caught looking under a cheerleader's skirt: "Yes, I guess I could." And just like that, Mr C's charm just disappeared.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Kissing's good for your health. So pucker up, Baby, I'm gonna make you live past a hundred!

Ever since I read this on the SleepTalkingMan blog I have been considering making it my new chat up line! Definitely not Rules like but so funny!
You will be pleased to hear that I did not try it on Mr Smile tonight.
He checked midday if we were still on for tonight and what time we should leave. He came to check on time if I was ready, leaving sometime to close out a few open e-mails and then, well prepared, he took me to a wine bar he used to go to. It was just perfect, a tube stop away from the office and we left late enough so that most of our colleagues were already gone, so no risk of office gossip tomorrow.
He choose and ordered a bottle of wine, rather nice. And we just chatted. About everything and nothing in particular. Then it was time to go. We walked back to the station. He waited with me for a train that would allow me to get home safer. When we got to his stop he kissed me goodnight... on the cheeks.
It was a lovely evening and he insisted that I should come to both his work and his friends leaving party before his big trip. I'll have to see. This girl already has plans for one of the two, and a Rules Girl (even one who has broken all the other Rules) does not put 'ho before Bro', or in this case Mr Smile before Mr Ken. Even a bad Rules Girl has her limits.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

The waltz of the exes

A few weeks ago I decided to revisit some of my past relationship to get a better understanding into why I have so far failed to find Mr Right. Taking my courage in both hands I prepared an e-mail and send it, reluctantly, to an old flame, Mr Ken. I knew he had met someone after we split up and he was engaged.
Within half a day I had a message back. He felt uncomfortable putting his thought on an e-mail, too impersonal and it could be misinterpreted. He suggested that we meet instead.
We met up a few days later in a pub near my work and suddenly the real reason for us meeting up became much clearer. A few months back he realised that he wasn't in love with his fiancée and that it was time to call it a day. He took full advantage of her trip back home to let her know not to bother to come back but that is she did it would be to move out. Pretty much since that day he had been trying to get her to move out, with no result.
As t turned out he only had fond memories of us, apparently our break up was all due to poor timing, and judging by his behaviour, he was keen to rekindle our old relationship. We had a couple of drinks over dinner and then took the tube home. Each to our own. But not before he made me promise to keep in touch.
Last week he sent me a text asking whether we had made plans last time and when would I be free to catch up again. Not sure I am ready to revisit this relationship.

Somehow it seems that one ex attracts another. Whilst I was on Skype I received a message from someone I had met at a friend's wedding. He was at the time already with a partner but seem to struggle to keep his pants on. The only reason we did not sleep together was because of my rule (which as I found out recently is also one of The Rules): No married or taken men, it only lead to tears. Mr Droppingpants seem to find himself single again and keen to come and visit me. The thing is, I know him to well, what he is looking for is to re-establish himself as a Casanova, get his bit of fun and go back home. Well this bit of fun is a very exclusive membership only access amusement park, so exclusive in fact that it will be a single ticket holder access, and I very much doubt he can afford this ticket.

As happy memories always come in threes, last but not least: Mr Biker is an old flame from 3 years ago, imagine Justin Timberlake on a motorbike, nicely pumped up and you have Mr Biker. He has always been cheeky and very much of a tease, but also, and despite what people think, a very sweet man with a very warm huge. He came to join me and a friend at mine on Friday night. He confided on how hard this summer had been for him, he has lost a friend in a terrible accident and didn't really have anyone to share his pain with. A band of bikers just aren't that shoulder to cry on type. He made his excuse to stay a bit longer after my friend left. We chatted a bit. The play fight that followed led to inevitable awkward moment. A couple of kisses and the knowledge that we had been down that path many times before. And as much as I like him, I also know there is no future for us, we each have very different priorities in life. The moment passed and he left, slightly embarrassed. The following day I received a text. " I want to apologise for my stupid behaviour last night and I promise you that it should never happen again. I just want to be your good friend." I felt bad. I longed his huge but also knew that nothing else could happen.

One of my friends used to say that true friendship between male and female wasn't possible, one of the two parties would always want more. I didn't believe him at the time and thought I had many examples proving him wrong. I have since found out that in most of those examples one of the two had been deeply, yet secretly, in love with the other. It is sometime difficult to know how to manage such a friendship without hurting the other person. One can only try her best.

The Exhibition

Saturday morning I duly kept myself busy, pampered myself, got dressed, changed outfit about three time going through a quite nice dress, with tights, without tights, with belt, without belt to end up in jeans and t-shirt. I don't think Mr Smile has ever seen me in dress and I thought the dress might just make it all a bit too formal and just add pressure where it wasn't needed. By 11.30am he still hadn't called, so I decided to do what any good Rules Girl would do, I carried on with my weekend plans, with or without him.
Whilst I am sitting on the train to London, en route to the photographic gallery, my phone rings. It's a new number. I try to put on my calmer voice as I pick up my phone. To be honest I had slightly given up and had prepared myself for a day for one in Central London.
As it happens, I was right to get myself ready for a single day out. He had phone to let me know that, unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to make it. He was preparing for his big move and had managed to secure the help of a friend and his car. As hard as I tried, I could not blame him. I have been there myself and I know far too well how stressful it is to try to sort out your life before a six months trip abroad. What did reassure me however, is the fact that he kept asking what time I would be in town. I could almost hear him thinking "could I make it to the exhibition and back to mine in time? Can I squeeze her in?"
But instead he ask if we could try to catch up one evening next week as weekends were just becoming far too busy for him. I agreed and went on to the exhibition on my own, somehow still with a massive smile on my face.
Being single doesn't have to mean being alone or even staying at home. Being single just mean having the freedom to choose what you want to do and when you want to do it. My Saturday ended up being quite enjoyable, after visiting the gallery I went on to treat myself to a lovely sandwich at Paul's followed by one of my favourite cake. It had been a long time since I had a chance to seat down in a café and enjoy a snack with a good book. It just shows, there is a silver lining to every cloud.

Success at last

It only took a little bit of help and many days of settle hints, but Mr Smiley finally asked me out.
It was Friday and I was refilling my bottle of water in the kitchenette. Mr C was just walking out of it when Mr Smiley walked in. After the usual greeting exchange we moved on to the what-are-you-up-to-this-weekend chat. I mentioned that I didn't have any specified plans but was thinking of checking out this photographic exhibit. That is when I finally got the first result of many days of settle hints: "Are you going with anyone? I just thought... maybe... I could come with you?... If you wanted?"
Now, I had two very different yet simultaneous reactions here:
Reaction number 1: Jump up and down whilst screaming YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!! WOOOOO...HOOOOOO!!!!! FINALLY!!! YOU ASKED ME OUT!!!!
All that whilst practising my back flip, full split, hip hop and salsa dance moves. And most importantly... all in my head.  It's just that my mind is more flexible than my body and I am not sure I would have managed the back flip and full split that well in real life.
Reaction number 2: Play it very cool "Yeah, that would be lovely" with a nice smile.
He suggested that he would call me the following morning to arrange time and place, then pointed out that he didn't have my number. I obliged.
I hear you say "But you broke all the Rules! You accepted a date a Friday for a Saturday. You told him you had no plans for the weekend." Yes, I know, I didn't do it exactly by the Rules but I figured that one has to live dangerously at times.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

J'ai deux amours...

Like Josephine Baker sang so nicely in her song "J'ai deux amour..." I too have two loves... Except, where she spoke of her country and Paris, I am thinking Mr Smile and Mr C...
The first one, with his lovely smile and sparking eyes, makes me want to break all the Rules. Ask him out, kiss him and... more. He lend me an amazing book that I read in 3 days, most days we caught up over lunch or tea  and would discuss where I was at and how we had each interpreted it. On many occasion I felt he was close to ask me out, yet, nothing. Every time he passes my office he gives a quick glance in and gives me a smile, I reciprocate. Yet, nothing. I am thinking that his nearing 6 months trip abroad might be the reason to his reticence. One should see.
The other part of my love triangle, with his cheekiness and flirtatiousness, well, let's just say that he knows how to make me blush and has now proved that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach; as I caught him in the kitchenette eyeing a birthday cake left there by one of our colleagues, I mentioned that he should have some, that cake was just too lovely to pass and we went on to talk about my cake that he had liked so much the previous week. "We just don't get to try enough of your cakes". So I promised some more for Monday, as it happens I have bought all the ingredients for a recipe I haven't tried yet, and yes, he has volunteered to be my guinea pig. How very kind of him.
In the meantime, it sure makes going to work far more interesting!

I leave you with my good friend Josephine Baker, J'ai Deux Amour.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

True men?

A lot of the Rules is based on primal behaviour, the fact that men are the hunters, does that make those 2 the ideal men?

Monday, 6 September 2010

A burden shared is a burden halved

Last night I went out to a restaurants second birthday, courtesy of one of my friends. He texted me Saturday "I have a +1 for the 2nd b'day of a Japanese restaurant. Cocktails and canapés. Tomorrow night. You're in?"
Me: "Well, I will have to cancel my 30 dates, but anything for you, cocktails and sushi!"
I although thought that this would be a good Rule Girl evening out. Meddling and meeting new people. I spent the day pampering myself (well overdue, the zoo was ready to come and add me to the Primate section!). I choose a nice pair of dark skinny jeans, a black loose top tight with a large brown belt and my brown high heels boots. I pulled my hair up for the trip in a bun to give them a bit of a wave prior to get to the party. All Rule Girl style, so far.
The Party turned out to be a much smaller affair than I expected and being a seat down one, there just wasn't much occasion for the mingling I was hoping for.
It actually allowed me to catch up with my friend. Properly catch up. And soon he was confiding how he too had suffered from a bad break up but still felt in love with the lady in question. For the last year and a half I too have been trying to get over someone who broke my heart and still find it difficult not to think about him and romantize our relationship. The truth is, you can't make someone who doesn't love you, love you. You can only do your best to live you life to its best and hope that one day you will meet the one person who you love and love you back equally. But sometimes it is easier say than done.

Saturday, 4 September 2010

One for a drink, one for a tease...

Thursday was one of those days that could have gone so bad but just flicked on the back of a charming man... or two.
Work was going bad, I mean really bad. I was stressed, grumpy and with PMS, the mix from hell. This last phone call had taken me to the edge and I needed chocolate before my next meeting. As I stepped out of my office building my next meeting was walking in. "I'm coming to see you, where are you going?", "I am not meeting you for another 8 minutes and I need Chocolate!".
As I was walking along the aisle looking for that special chocolate treat, Mr Smile walked in. He asks what I am doing here: "I am looking for happy pills to keep me from jumping off the roof!"
Mr Smile: "I think they have run out. You should try that, I discovered it the other day, it's quite nice" He hands me some kind of energising drink made of a mixture of exotic juices including one that I had used only as a medicinal cream for bruises. I had only taken £2.50 with me and the price of the drink wouldn't leave me enough for the chocolate macaroons I had set my eyes (and stomach) on, but to be honest I didn't really feel like I needed the chocolate quite as much any more. As I am queuing behind him he grabs my drink out of my hands and adds it to his bill despite my protest. Now, does that count has him buying me a drink or does he need to ask me out for it to actually count?
We walked back to the office and I went to my meeting, much more relaxed.
Later on my colleague and I decided that we deserve to go out for a drink, to be polite I asked Mr C who was seating on his own in his office.
He politely decline but noted how he admired my style,"Going out on a Thursday night like if it was a Friday!"
"Well that's just me, wild. And the fact that I am working from home tomorrow"
Mr C: "How come?"
Me: "Broken washing machine being repaired. With a bit of chance I should be able to come back to work next week with clean clothes..." (best cheeky grin)
Mr C: "Well that will be a nice change for us!" (his best cheeky grin)
And yes, again, you have guest it, I bid farewell and escaped... bright red!

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Yesterday my friend came to visit and I had a few bananas which were either good for the bin, or perfect for a cake, so I baked a cake! At this point I must admit that I have very little self restrain when it comes to bakeries, especially if chocolate is involved as it was in this case.
As my friend wasn't ready to share too many calories with me I took what was left to work to avoid turning into the Bibendum.
Now, I must warn you. This wasn't just any cake! This was my trade mark cake. The one all of my friends, colleagues around the world ask me for, and I am not even exaggerating here so far it has gone to U.A.E., U.S.A., Australia, NZ , Turkey and Bristol...
Once at work, I did my usual and put the cake out on the kitchenette table, just as Mr Smile was getting himself a cup of tea, I pointed out the that he should help himself to some cake before it vanished. A bit later as I am on the phone in my office I see him pass my door and do a double take, pop is head through my door and did the international sign for "Delicious", and gave me his usual big smile.
Later on Mr Snag show his face through my door, Mr Snag is Muslim and therefore doing Ramadan at the moment (no food from sunrise to sundown), it was is birthday on Sunday (24 y.o.) and he had brought in some cupcakes if I fancied some. Obviously, I obliged, not wanting to insult him, and because it was chocolate ones. (Did I mention that I am a complete chocolate addict?) I told him that I had made some cake if he wanted some to take home with him for iftar (break of fast). I am not sure if he did, all I know is that I left a full cake on the table before my meeting and that one hour and a half later it had all gone!
Before I left work I popped into my client's office to discuss one of my files and I asked him if he had managed to get some cake.
My client: "No, I didn't. Is there any left?"
Me: "It's all gone I'm afraid"
Mr C then adds: "I had the last bit, it was delicious! So moist!"
Me: "You see, I told you I could bake!"
Mr C: "You made it?? I don't mean to sound sexist, and it isn't meant to be sexist, but I love a woman who can bake." And yes, you guessed it, I made my excuses and left... after turning bright red.

I know what you did last Thursday ... Or not...

Today was my first day back to work after a lovely long weekend.  And the first discussion I had with one of my colleagues went that way:
Him: "Have you heard any goss?"
Me: "No. What goss?"
Him: "I heard some goss about you!", followed by a girly giggle...
Me, playing naive: "Really? Because my weekend was very quiet"
Him: "I didn't mean your weekend! I meant last Thursday!"
Me: "I know... So I guess someone told you that a gentleman walked me back to the Tube Station, but unlike your source, we each went our own way and so we both turned up on Friday with clean clothes and not wearing exactly the same shirt and trousers we wore the day before... I think you need to choose better sources..."
Him, slightly embarrassed: "Ooohh...."
Ah, ah!

A bit later I asked the other half of the gossip, Mr Smile, whether he had heard the latest bit of goss in the office (all in good humour). He smiled (so cute) and told me not to pay any attention to it that our colleague was good at starting gossip (always innocent ones). God he is soooo cute!

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Day dreaming

When I was a little girl my mum would read me stories of princess being whisked away by a beautiful prince on a white horse. As I grew up this is what I was kind of hoping for in real life. Of course as I past my teens I came to realise that at best my prince charming would have a nice car Peugeot 205 was the cool car of the day.
Since I moved to London my nan has been the one doing the day dreaming for me. She has kept a picture of Prince William on her wall with the secret hope that her favourite granddaughter might actually marry him.
Today for the first time in a long time I found myself back day dreaming, only now I am not hoping for a white horse or even a Peugeot 205 (I'm pretty sure that teens nowadays wouldn't even now what a 205 is...), just for a ring. After my ex I promised myself not to look again at engagement rings, they felt jinxed. But the same way as I have given up believing in Fairy tales, the whole black magic should no longer be part of my core believes and so I went on to a jewellery website and started picking rings. Well I surely could not choose just one, after all, once I meet The One, he must have a chance to make some kind of decision in choosing The Ring, a very guided decision of course. One would not want to walk around for the rest of her life with a ridiculous ring.
Ok, maybe I should re-phrase: L'Amoureuse would not want to spend the rest of her life with a ridiculous ring...

Loosing the will...

I don't know if it is because of my close encounter on Thursday or simply because there is only so much internet dating one can do, but I am starting to loose the will to:
a) check the website for the "winks" and messages
b) to respond to the "winks" and messages
c) to make the effort to meet some of those potential suitors
I realised today that I hadn't responded to an e-mail sent to me 10 days ago and asking me to meet up.
I am not just loosing the will, I am also loosing the touch!
C minus, Must try harder

Friday, 27 August 2010

Mixing work and pleasure...

... is it a good idea?
Last night was my work drinks. It is no ordinary drinks. The ratio man-woman is of 100 to 1. Unfortunately most of them are builders, and not the sexy type you might see on Coca Cola ads. More the wide, crack showing type, nothing to get very excited about.
Except... Except for the potential of seeing Mr C outside of the strict walls of the office, and hopefully avoiding total embarrassment. Also maybe finding a bit more about Mr Snag, and to my surprise a query from someone I have longed secretly admired and thought was not interested in me but who seemed keen to know whether I would be attending the festivities.
Mr Snag was a no show.
Mr C only stayed for a bit and I didn't get to chat to him. The truth is I got intimidated by a stunning girl who had join his group and seemed so comfortable with him that I though she may have been his partner. As I found out later she was his PA. A very funny girl. And very flirty.
But the biggest surprised of the night was the interest demonstrated by Mr Smile. We started chatting on a regular basis over lunch a few months back (I refuse to seat at my desk for lunch and so I will often make use of the kitchenette provided in my office). He has always be interesting to talk too. He is cute, half Malaysian/ half English. He has an amazing smile that just makes you melt. He is probably shorter than I would normally go for but his charms make up for it.
Although I had a bit of a crush on him, I had come to the conclusion that he wasn't "into me". He was always lovely with me, but seemed to display the same niceness towards my colleagues. I had put him in the "Just a lovely guy" category and moved on. But last night, he wasn't just being his charming self. He made sure that I spend some time with him. He waved me towards him as I was moving from one group to the other in true "Rule Girl" style. When I went to get some food (The British "Eating is Cheating" rule has never caught up with me), he accompanied me and found seats for us. When we went back to the bar area, one of my French friend (in his fifties) decided to introduce me to his entire team, all male, and then went on to to tell me about his divorce. Mr Smile moved on to catch up with his colleagues. I went on to mingle a bit more...
About one hour later I passed near him after being told that a drink was waiting for me at the other end of the bar... He called after me, asking where I had been and when will I be back chatting with him. I told him that I would be back soon to explain. I had a quick chat with my client and a few more colleagues and only then went back to see him. A little while later my French friend came with two twenty something guys, all speaking French and greeting me in the traditional French way, shake hands and the compulsory kisses on the cheeks. I failed to do the introduction as my friend was getting quite agitated, due to excessive alcohol consumption and the excitement created by his two new companions. Mr Smile must have felt threaten as he just jumped in, stretch his hand to one of the two lads and with his best French went: "Bonjour! Ca va?" to the point where my new friends thought he actually did speak French. I realised my lack of manners and quickly corrected: "Mr Smile, those are my friends two sons, Frenchy and Froggy..." His face pretty much collapsed. I think he thought he had made a complete fool of himself. I thought it was the cutest thing I had seen in a long time. Nothing wrong with displaying a bit of jealousy.
We discussed a bit more literature, music and West End shows and then it was time to leave. As the true gentleman he is he walked me to the tube station and took the train with me as far as the next stop that allowed him back on his route home.
Nothing happened, yet a lot seemed to. But, there is always a but, for one, we work in the same office, only for another 3 weeks... but worst, he is moving to Kenya for 6 months.
Is it worth any emotional attachment? Or should I maybe just take it as a bit of fun?
Let see what next week brings...

Sunday, 15 August 2010

L'Amoureuse in red

Since I have read The Rules I have been trying my very best to be nonchalant, slightly aloof, around men that I was interested in. Unfortunately there is this one person around which I can't remain/ pretend to be aloof. Every time he speaks to me I turn bright red. It first happened about a week ago when we had our first "more than one exchange" chat. And ever since, well, it hasn't got any better.
I know he realised what was happening the first time around because he gave a slightly surprised/ pleased with himself smile, and ever since he makes a point to make a little comment every time he sees me, turning me from cool and collected into this blushing teenager with a crush on her teacher. How embarrassing! And I have no doubt that he does it in purpose.
To top it all I made the "mistake" to ask our client out for a drink in front of him on Friday (all professional, we were going for a end of week drink with my colleague). They didn't follow so I assume that they weren't coming. I sent my colleague to find us a table and went to the bar to order.
As I was waiting for our drinks to arrive I spotted our client coming toward the bar... and Mr C walking next to him. I started hoping that they were on their way to the tube station, until they came through the bar's door. At this stage there was no more pretending... They were joining us for drinks. How will I survive seating with him and holding a casual/ slightly professional conversation with him, my client and my colleague without turning red? I went for the easy solution: Alcohol! And it worked. At least if I believe my colleague who made a point of telling me how well I did after they left.
Just another few months of blushing before moving on to pasture new.

L'Amoureuse & the stars...

I have never been one for horoscopes, most of the time I would just ignore them. Until...
I picked up a copy of the Metro at my station on my way to work the other day. I had finished my book and needed something to entertain me on the way there. I usually only manage to go as far as the middle of the paper. This time I picked it up again at lunch time and running out of thing to read on it, without going into the sport section I decided for a laugh to read my horoscope. To my surprise, that's what it read:
"Your Love life has been sending you some very confusing signals to late. In fact you must be dizzy with the amount of activity that has been taking place around you lately, my friend."
Quick look back at the few days leading to this:

  • Date with Ned,
  • Colleague unveiling who has a "secret" crush on me at work, Mr Snag
  • Me turning bright red in front of my client, on a daily basis... Mr C
  • Courier calling out in the street, as I come out of my office in my full builders gear, "Hello Gorgeous!".

Maybe I spent my life reading the wrong horoscope? Maybe I should give this one a go???

The following day I went out for lunch with my colleague and over some sushi she asks me when I am going to put Mr Snag out of his misery. I didn't think I was putting him into any misery, he hasn't acknowledge to me that he liked me or wanted to take me out, I am treating him like a colleague. She went on to tell me what happened a couple of days before whilst I was out of the office. He stormed into our tiny office with a joyful "Bonjour! Comment ca va?" then looked in and my colleagues pointed out that I wasn't in. Him: "Ooooh... (pause) G'day!" (one of my colleague is Australian). Bless. He is quite sweet... and quite young. Early twenties.
When we got back in the office I felt the urge to check whether the horoscope would be as spot on as the previous day and fetch my copy of Metro.
 "You're toying with a certain person's emotions. The moon is pushing you into mischief and you don't seem to be putting up too much of a fight. Set a guideline, know how far is too far."
Seriously? How did they pull this one off 2 days in a row?
I swear, I am not making that up! And I am the most septic person when it comes to horoscopes! But you have to admit that their timing was incredible!
Let's see what's Monday edition will come up with...

Thursday, 12 August 2010

What a date!

I had a date with Ned tonight.
I know I said I wasn't impressed with our telephone chat but I decided that it was probably due to me being upset at my car being smashed by some yobs a few hours before.
I therefore decided to give him a second chance and a date. We agreed to meet in central London in a nice area. He had picked a bar that I had never heard of before. The bar was hidden in the back corridor of a hotel.
I always went by the rules of never going to a bar in a hotel for a date. It just sound and feels wrong and might give your date the wrong idea about what you have in mind. But...
Despite the not so comfortable feeling and the slightly old fashion, border line shabby look of the hotel reception, I dutifully followed my date into the corridor to a dark door with just a name on the door. On the other side of the door a tiny room with 2 doors and covered in Mickey Mouse cartoon strip wall paper. One doors has a neon sign reading Tattoo and Piercing, the other one is a fire escape door...  As it happens we had to buzz at the door with the Tattoo sign above. A small window slid open and a pair of eyes checked us out before opening the door. At this stage I have many thoughts going through my head, most of them along the lines of "Where the Hell is he taking me?" and "How long before I'm dead?".
I almost expected:
a) Gangsters playing pokers, 30's style, in a room full of smoke, cash and gun on the tables
b) Loads of men and women in dodgy vinyl sex play wear, leash in hand and dog collar around the neck of fat men on all fours
c) Crazy white coat wearing chemical students working on the latest popping pill for the next rave
d) a mix of all the above

What we found was none of the above. Instead we entered this extremely quirky bar playing 30's music in a nonchalant atmosphere. Sardines tin clock on the wall, Mona Lisa in an impression of Little Britain's "The computer says no..." Mismatch furnitures which somehow merge together nicely. Shortly after we arrived a group of musician arrived to set up. And in other circumstances I would have stayed to listen to it, unfortunately, as much as I loved the bar, I did not feel the same about my date. Ned was nice enough, but my fear from our phone chat did turn out to be founded.
We barely met up that he started describing what he had been told he had done wrong on previous date (not making a big effort on choosing place to take his date to, he sure has improve on that), then the conversation was flowing but mostly felt forced and false. I just don't think we had much in common.
Judging by the way we parted, no shake of hand or kiss on the cheek, we both felt the same way.
Well, at least we tried...

Sunday, 8 August 2010

Big Brother's best mate

Sometimes you need to be cunning whilst sticking to the Rules. I uploaded the pictures of last nights party on my Facebook and tagged my "Big Brother" and his friends I had on my FB on the pictures. I so happened to have a picture of one of his best friends with one of the gentlemen who was chatting me up last night, and I happen to know that they are friends on FB. Again, you have to love FB for those kind of things. The best friend, unknowingly helped me along by tagging the say gentleman on the picture.
I have made the photos open to my friends and their friends hoping that this certain gentlemen might make the most of it and make contact.
Let's wait and see...

Big Brother is watching

Being an only child I have always dreamt to have a big brother. Someone to look out for me, to protect me from trouble and to get me out of it when I managed to get myself in some.
Luckily through my life I have met a couple of people who, although are not blood related, fill this gap. And I was out with one of them last night.
It was a great night and there was a few nice single men too.
As I was ordering at the bar, one of them came to chat to me. As we chatted I heard this very loud "WTF! What are you doing here?". That was my "BB". It turned out they new each other from work! I let them chat for a bit and then before the guy left he mentioned how he would love to get the chance to chat again later. I reminded him that he would know exactly where to find me at the bar, near his ex-colleague. He came back later to find out where we were going next. I told him that I would be following my BB as I was staying with him and his fiancé that night. He went to have a chat with him and just left without a word. Not what I expected.
Like a good Rules Girl, I let it go and move on to chatting to some more people.
Charming man number 2 comes along, a friend of BB, and we chat he is cheeky and funny and we keep mingling with other people. Then I see him chatting to BB... The next time I chat to him, his attitude seems to have slightly changed, and again he leaves without asking for my number.
Ummm.... I think I may need to have a chat with BB. He is supposed to be looking after me, not scaring any man slightly interested in me away!!
I told him this morning that should any of the 2 contact him for my number he was free to give it to them but under no circumstances should he bring it up to them. I figure that following the Rules would mean that they would have to make the first step and effort by asking BB for my number.
I won't be holding my breath on that one. Shame, they were cute.

Saturday, 7 August 2010

Crime against first encounter

After my car being vandalised earlier this week and a few days going out fro drinks with friends to get over it I felt like it was time for some pampering, as recommended by "The Rules". So after having a chat with my parents, I went off to my bathroom and started working on my hair, covering the odd grey one which dares showing through, Because I'm worth it...
My hair was properly covered with colouring shampoo when my door bell went. Damn it! It's got to be the Jehovah Witnesses again! Obviously my "I'm a devil worth-shipper" from last time didn't work as well as I thought. Surely with my hair covered in black hair colour it should do it this time. I go to my upstairs bedroom window to check who is at my door.
Oops, not the Jehovah witnesses. Instead 2 policemen are waiting there, looking a bit impatient...
"Hi... You're here about my car?... Sorry, give me 5 minutes..."
OH... SHIT! One of them is cute! What am I supposed to do now?
I wrap myself in my cutest bathrobe. That covers the dodgy PJ's I am still wearing at 11:45! Unfortunately there is not much to do about the smudge of colouring shampoo on my face... Damn it! Talk about bad timing.
I rush down the stairs, slightly shaky at the idea of looking like a complete Muppet in front of 2 police officers (mostly in front of the cute one, of course) I open the door and apologise profusely about my appearance, but  by their look I know it's too late. The first impression has been ruined. I looked like a middle age woman trying hard to hide her age by colouring her hair. It's a fail!
Maybe it was just the uniform and the handcuffs who did for me after all... The old fantasy of a man in uniform...
On the plus side, they did give me their number, but I guess it doesn't count as they didn't ask me for mine. Just not "Rules" like!

Wednesday, 4 August 2010


Last night was a bad one in more than one way. My car got vandalised by some kids, leaving me with a big bill with my insurance. But it was also the night for my first call with the new man... And it didn't go well.
I did keep it to 10 minutes, for once. I don't know whether it was because I was annoyed about my car and stressed out or whether I just wasn't that impressed with his voice and his lack of conversation but he very much reminded me of Ned Flanders, in the Simpsons. I apologise at the beginning of our chat as I knew that I wouldn't be sounding my chirpy self due to the earliest incident. He's answer where along the lines of "Crickey" and "Didley Doo...". I know that most women might be impressed by a man who never swears, but I work on a building site! We mentioned calling each other again, but I doubt he was too impressed either.
I think Ned might not be a match after all.

Monday, 2 August 2010

Men are like buses...

... you wait for one for ages and then three turn up.

After a few quiet weeks on the dating front, it seems that suddenly I could well have 3 dates!
Ok, I am exaggerating a bit, one of the "dates" is meeting up with a friend. But it is still a free drink!
On the more serious side I know have a phone date with someone I met on one of the website. He is slightly younger, 1 or 2 years younger, slightly taller, a few inches, seems quite cute and very outdoory. For what I have found out so far he enjoys climbing. Not sure whether this will lead to anything yet, but I should try to play it by "The Rules" and only give him 10 minutes on the phone to ask me out!
The second was a bit less expected. One of the guys I used to deal with on one of my previous job had his birthday, maybe a week ago. I sent him a message on Facebook, as one does when one is reminded (you have to love Facebook for that! I have always been the worst at remembering birthdays and now I don't miss one!). Anyway, he sent me a message to saying "Thank you Madame", so I gently reminded him that, actually, it's Mademoiselle. Next thing I know he is asking me out for drinks! Like a true Rules Girl, I shall let him wait until tomorrow for an answer.
To be continued...

Sunday, 1 August 2010

English men can't dance

We had decided many years ago with my best friend that English men couldn't dance and therefore could never be marriage potential. We had signed a verbal pack that our husband would be latino. After all, everybody knows that latinos are the best and sexiest dancers in the world. I mean, who can wrap you in their arms in one swift movement at the cue of a note, only to then send you away and catch you just in time by the tip of your fingers to bring you back so close to them that the only reason you have not yet have intercourse are the clothes you are wearing.
My friend broke that promise many years ago and decided to marry an Englishman. As expected he cannot dance to save his life but the way he loves her sure makes up for his lack of arms/torso/hips/feet coordination.
I am thankful that she broke the promise first as I have discovered that latinos are not all they are cracked up to be...
Don't get me wrong, I am still hoping to meet someone who likes dancing as much as I do. With that in mind, and the fact that most women love a man in uniform, and I count myself as one of those women, I thought that this video would be a major turn on... It just shows how wrong I can be!

Saturday, 31 July 2010

Hot & Steamy!

What a strange couple of days. It sure was hot & steamy, but unfortunately, all for the wrong reasons.
I have been spending the last couple of days running up and down stairs to take engineers work in one of the hottest room at work. And by hottest I do not mean in the trendy sense of the word. I mean it quite literally. I need to stay with them to ensure they do what they need to do, not that I am an engineer or even understand what they are doing there. Anyway. Most of the engineers are men and all of the ones I have been dealing with were men.
You would imagine that this would be ideal to meet a man. If only it was that easy!
Yesterday I had this little grumpy old man which, due to many runs of bad luck, I had to babysit for over 3 hours. And trust me he was neither attractive nor interesting. Actually, that's not fair. He may have been interesting, unfortunately I could not understand a word he was saying. Imagine a pirate talking... Now, take his teeth out... Finally sew his lips together... Yep, this is the closest thing you will get from this man I had to look after. This was 3 hours of timely nodding and guessing game. Somehow I managed to understand that he was married... Surely this should give me hope! If a man like that can find a woman to love him, there is a chance for all of us! Or, she is deaf and blind.
Let's not give up just yet!

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

A very close encounter... Maybe too close

I am not sure whether this count as a date, but I sure had a close encounter this morning.
I was running a bit late for work and so I rushed to get the first train in the station. Instead of the usual 5 carriages London transport decided that rush hour was the perfect time to try a 2 carriages train. It's not like if it was rush hour after all. Of course to make matter worst there must have been twice as many people as usual tying to squeeze into those 2 carriages.
I ran down along the platform trying to find which one of the four doors wasn't yet pouring out of commuters and would allow for one more wee one. I finally found one with what I thought was just enough space for one more. I never realised I could have been that wrong! Suddenly I had visions of horror pictures I had seen from the Japanese train stations where the station managers push the passengers to their last breath into carriages to ensure the trains leave on time. I always thought the Brits were queuers, not pushers. Another mistake on my part!

Some people would take full advantage of the situation, and I guess I could have too. After all, I did find myself having the closest and longest physical relationship that I had in months, actually, in the last year. 

a) I was stuck to this man's back, not the most flirt friendly position
b) I didn't know that anyone could be that sweaty/smelly first thing in the morning
c) Once he turned around I realised he really wasn't my type, no, really NOT my type...

The only thing that didn't make this encounter a full on sexual relationship was the clothes between us (yes, thanks god he was wearing clothes) and maybe the fact that the only body fluid exchange were "limited" to perspiration, mainly his...
Never mind, at least I can now claim a physical relationship. Let's just hope that the next one won't be in a year and that it has a bit less cloth involved and a much more charming man...

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

L'Amoureuse... & Casanova?

Could L'Amoureuse start looking at the international dating scene?... Well, one of the website keeps getting me matches and "winks" from men in France, Switzerland, Algeria and even the USA despite my setting limiting my search to no more than 100 miles from home. I may have misread it, it must have been light years.
My friends also often like to tease me about the fact that quite a few of my ex-boyfriends could have been interested in a European passport. I dare them! It is not my fault if I have very exotic tastes.
Although I do have to admit that the "wink" from Algeria brought back my friends voice as a whispering conscience, a gentle reminder that internet dating is not all that safe, the pics my look nice but the person might not look, or just be, as nice.
Anyhow, enough with the moral.
Tonight I found myself chatting with a friend who has moved back to his home town in Italy, and somehow got invited to visit him... Could this be the beginning of something new or just the beginning of another over imaginative fairy tale story for which the ending might not be quite that happy? Good rule girls don't go and visit men, men come and visit them... But I have never visited Italy (2 work trips to Italy just don't count, I only got to see it through the window of a car). Maybe I should just use it as a good reason to visit Italy...
OMG! I'm sure I have read this exact scenario in The Rules!!!
Ok so no flirting with my amico Italiano!
Plenty of other international opportunities out there. More on that later.

Friday, 16 July 2010

Mr TopGun must be suffering from Hypoxia

Surely, there can't be any other explanations. No e-mail, no texts, no calls. Mr TopGun suffers from Hypoxia. 
Hypoxia is when the body (or part of the body) is deprived of oxygen.
As part of their training most pilot get a taste of it in a controlled environment... Maybe he somehow got deprived of oxygen... Makes more sense than the grand piano scenario, and it is so much more comforting to thing that the incredible pilot might have suffered from such a lack of oxygen (obviously caused by the sight of my beauty and his undying love for me) that he is now unable to operate his mobile or e-mails...
One can always dream...

Thursday, 15 July 2010

An old man is thinking of you, a young one wants to kiss you

That's one of my mum's favourite say whenever someone gets an itchy nose. Mine has been itching quite a bit lately, and it looks like mum may have been right all that time.
One of my colleagues at work to me asked me, in his trying hard to be casual voice: "How old are you?"
Me: "We've already been through that..."
Him: "I know but I forgot"
Me: "33"
"Would you consider dating a younger man?"
"Yeah, why not... Why?"
"I may have someone to fix you with..." said with a cheeky smile on his face
"Ok, who is he?"
"I can't tell you. He is quite young and he would kill me if I tell you. But let's face it, there isn't many young guys in the office!"

I would say there are 3 seriously younger guys in the office. 2 cute ones, one not as cute... I kind of have an idea on who it could be but the question is, do I want to play that game on my doorstep?