The phone call

Mr International must have read the Rules! So I was thinking of missing his first call and see whether he would call again. As it happens, I did miss his call, but by accident. As a true gentlemen he left me a message... saying that he would call me back later! The man has to have read the Rules!!! Or could it just be because he is 11 years older than me?

The minute I picked up the phone I checked the time, knowing that I only had 10 minutes for him to confirm the date time and location for our Date. No need for a timer. This was sorted under 5 minutes. He had already thought about the day, luckily this was the only day I had available next week, he had even thought about a Persian restaurant in West London that wouldn't be too far for me to get to. Although I wasn't too keen on the first date being at a restaurant (if it doesn't go well there is no easy way out), I agreed to it, hoping that I won't live to regret it.

The rest of the discussion was... odd? I enjoyed the fact that he had put some thought in the Date but I kept thinking that he felt uncomfortably with dating someone younger than him by that many years... He kept reassuring me that he didn't look his age and that he actually looked a good 10 years younger. Do I feel a bit of insecurity there?

He told me what he liked in my profile was the fact I liked the outdoors and sounded sporty... Ummm... may have to slightly rectify that. I enjoy a challenge but you won't see me running on a pavement near yours any time soon.  Anyway part of the discussion went to sky-diving and vertigo, that's when he said "we might end up at the top of the Eiffel Tower one day". I think I can honestly say that I felt very uncomfortable at that point. We haven't even met yet! Is that what men feel when their girlfriend drop the word "marriage" in the conversation? I swear I won't do it again!

Well, let's hope the date will be a bit more... comfortable?

Update on Thursday night.

Adjusting the Rules to Internet dating

No news from Mr Anonymous. After he sent me his e-mail address I dropped him a line, no answer. I guess he wasn't that into me after all.

But don't you think I wasted my time waiting for him to answer. Since my last entry I have put my profile on a couple of websites and shown my face in a few places. And I have had some results.

I have exchanged a few e-mails with this guy, lets call him Mr International. Obeying to the Rules I kept my e-mail very informal and not too chatty. We found some common interests, he suggested we meet, I agreed but did not give him my number. On his next e-mail not only did he give me his number, but he also asked me for mine! He now has my number and said he would call Sunday or Monday to arrange a place and time convenient for ME to meet!! OMG! Has he read the Rules too???

So we will have to see how Mr International comes out from the phone conversation. I have to remember to keep it to 10 minutes... May be even miss the first call and see if he calls back. Or would that be tempting faith a bit too much?

To be sure that I am not putting all my eggs in the same basket I have also started chatting to another couple of people. One on the same website, again, I have kept the conversation light and informal. I have not initiated any of the chats. I have waited for the man to show interest in my profile. They have either added me to their favourite list and I have reciprocated, this usually gets followed by their first message. Or I have just patiently waited for them to take enough interest in my profile and just e-mail me.

The problem with the latest solution is that them being interested in you doesn't automatically means that I will be...

The second website I joined promises to match me to people who have the same affinities as myself. The method of communication is a bit more complicated. The first can be an ice breaker or a set of pre-set questions to establish whether we share the same brain waves. The second step is to exchange our “must have” / “can't have” (a list previously selected in the long process of the hundreds questions requested by the website upon registration). Step 3 is the 3 open questions, you can either write them yourself or choose the pre-written ones from the site. And if by then you have not been sent a “closed message” (a nice way to say rejection e-mail) you get to finally exchange real e-mail and maybe even arrange a meeting.

So far I have managed to get to get to step 3 with one man and step 2 with another one...

As good as those websites are the one thing they cannot predict is the chemistry that you might or might not have with someone and whether they will be attractive to you and/or attracted to you... The only tools available on the site to determinate the potential attraction/chemistry I could have with any of these men are:

1.their picture

2.whatever bit of themselves they may have put in writing

So really, the only way I can truly find out is by taking a risk, meeting them!

But I guess this was always going to be a part of the Experiment.

To be continued....

Actions

I have now responded to Mr. Anon. I kept the message short but friendly and removed my telephone number from it, after all he hasn't asked for it, and as a Rules Girl, if you don't ask, you don't get.

Let see what happens next...
I might also be joining a dating site, one of the character matching one, it might actually help narrowing the hunting ground in which I need to be chased!

Interesting development

As per my last post, Saturday's single events ended with one of the man giving me his number. Like any good Rules girl, I did not call him, if he wanted to get to know me he should have asked for my number. But, surprise, surprise, tonight I received an e-mail on the Single's event website... The gentleman send the following message (names have been changed to protect peoples identity):
"Hi L'Amoureuse,

Nice to meet you - hope you got home OK.

Thanks for an interesting chat. I now know a bit about foreign construction and strange cultural differences. Here's my normal email: A.Nonymous@loa.com. Hope to hear from you soon.

Anon."
 
Ummm... Looks like the Rules may have worked, ignored him and he is keener... but about 13 years older than me... Not sure I am ready for that, although maybe I could use it to try some of the other rules? Or would that just be mean?
I could seriously do with Rule#4 (Don't meet him half way or go Dutch on a date). I just found some really nice restaurants in Central London, now that I am back I need to check them out!

What a night!

Just got back from the singles's night, and what a night it was.

Whilst I was making my way to the city on the tube I felt slightly uncomfortable, a lot of women (yes it was mainly women) seemed to be staring at my exposed legs. Sure, it was cold outside, but I was wearing tights underneath my short dress, and nothing was hanging out! I started wondering whether my stay in Cardiff had had more of an impact on me that I had initially thought... Maybe my dress was a bit too short...

I thing that this was the first thing I asked my new single friend  when I finally met her at a pub near the venue. The poor girl had been out all day, half working half dating. At least she was making the most of her single life, and seemed to be doing quite well at it too. We had a quick drink before moving on to the party where we were meeting another of her single friend.

Once at the venue we were met by a rather long queue of woman waiting for the cloakroom... looking around there didn't seem to be many men around. We patiently waited our turn and made our way to our host. This time we were given a badge with our user name on it. Whilst some people paraded with "Brown Bear" on their chest I just went along with my first name, feeling slightly less awkward.  As we made our way down to the bar a long line of men was resting against it, anxiously looking up the stairs for women to come down. The look of those eager men slightly scared me, but with two sidekicks like mine by my side I felt my strength coming back.

Our host gave us each a movie themed card, this was to be our ice-breaker, each movie had 4 cards distributed to 2 women and 2 men, the first four to find each other and make themselves know won a bottle of Champagne, the next "movie quadruplet" won a bottle of wine... By the time we did the speed dating activity both bottle were gone... Never mind. But the night wasn't about winning a bottle of wine/Champagne (even if it would have been nice), the aim of tonight was to get out there, meet more people and see how I was getting on with the Rules. The cards did their job and with my friends help we had quickly met most of the men in the room. Note that I did not, at any point, spoke to a man first (true Rules Girl!), I let the girls do it (may be cheating a bit?).

Through the evening, I tried my best to keep by The Rules, not talking to a man unless he came to talk to me, despite insistence from my two newly made friends (one of which has read the Rules and should know better). After a while my friends got bored, not finding anyone they liked and decided to go. I chose to stay and keep practising the Rules. I spoke to a few men (none of them that I would have chosen to date, but all rather pleasant) I chatted with each for a bit before making my excuses and moving on. There was a couple of men I found rather nice but as none of them seems to notice me, I left them alone and didn't try to hang around them hoping for something to happen.

As a true Cinderella, I had to catch my carriage before it turned into a pumpkin, in this case my last train before the night bus became my only option home. As this gentlemen was chatting to me this girl came up, interrupting us, and made it clear she liked him, a few minutes later her and her friend let him know that they were leaving. He quickly made his excuses, asking me to wait for him, and ran after the two girls. As a true Rules Girl, I myself made my excuses and as I went up the stairs smiled and waved him goodbye.

The Rules worked. He apologised for running on me earlier and asked whether that was the reason I was leaving, I reassured him that this wasn't the case, I had just noticed the time after he left and realised that I needed to run to catch my train home. He then slipped a piece of paper in my hand and just said: "I hope I am not being too forward, but this my number. I'd like you to call me sometime." I smiled and left.

I made my way to the tube station with the 2 girls he had been chatting to earlier and made 2 new single friends. They got out a few stop before mine making their way to another party. As I sat on my own reflecting on my night out a group of four Spaniard jumped in. They seemed to be on a weekend out in London. I got up at the next station to get out and heard them making comments about me, just short of wolf whistling. I just whispered "Chicos..." (Boys...), just loud enough for them to hear. They realised I spoke a bit of Spanish and as I walked out I heard "Muy Guapa!" (Very Pretty!). The last time that a group of Spaniard said that for my benefit I was 17, an exchange student near Madrid, walking down the corridors of my Spanish exchange High School. It took me back and made me feel a million dollars!

There is nothing like it to keep you smile for the rest of the week :-)

The Preps

Once again, I am getting ready for a single event. This time it's a Saturday night event in town. I have done my hair, done my roots, painted my nails and moisturised. I have even chosen my outfit. My purple dress, but I have decided to turned it down, rather than wearing my very high heels black patent shoes (more appropriate for a girls night out), I will be wearing my grey silk and patent heels. I think it will look a little bit more classy but still very sexy. Now I just need to iron it, put my face on and get on moving!
Oh... And don't forget the rules!

The day after the night before

So, I hear you say, "who ticked you in their "Yes" box?". Well as a true Rules Girl I waited until late the following day to log on and enter my "votes", it's part of the "not looking to eager rules...

After putting my ticks in, mainly friends apart for 3 "No", still following the Rules. The man MUST make the first step, Rule #2. Me saying that I would like to date them would not be "Rules like" so friend it is, until they tick me as "Yes" and send me a message to that effect... At least it's my interpretation of this rule for speed dating as it is not in the Rules I and I haven't yet found it in the Rules II (almost finished reading it by the way).
Once all my "votes" were entered I finally got to see who "voted" for me. I had 3 "yes" ticks, one who had one of my "no" votes, one who was a really nice guy, just not my type and one I would have considered dating but as of today has not sent me a message (and I think may have been a bit of a player anyway). I also had quite a few friends, including a few of the men I liked. One man did send me not one, not 2 but 3 messages. He was quite a nice guy, but again, not really my type and maybe a bit too eager (they just can't win!).
So here you go, I have started practising the Rules. It has not been hugely successful in terms of positive outcome but I have managed to control myself and change a bit my attitude to dating. But can I keep it up until I do meet Mr Right?
Well, I am back practising tomorrow at another single's night. This time my sidekick is another singleton, the girl I met last week at speed dating, as it happened last Saturday single event she was going to on her own wasn't last Saturday but this Saturday. She asked me if I wanted to join her, I quickly thought of my plans at the time for tomorrow night and decided that a Single's night out would surely beat a night in with the NCIS crew  followed by CSI.  Again, purely for the benefit of this experiment I have sacrificed a night in with Gibbs, Tony, Abby, Dinozo for a night out with real people...
Let's see how it goes.

First test : The Speed Dating

So as per my last log I took the theory to the practice. I managed to drag my colleague all the way to a speed dating event with me. One night, 20 men! Or so was the promise.

It turned out only 14 of them bothered turning up. The girls were pretty much all there.

I had put on one of my cute little dress and high heels boots. The dress was perfect to hide those few extra pounds picked up over Christmas and the heels would take care of the shorties, if they can't cope with it they're not worth having. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against short men, only against short men who make me feel guilty for wearing high heels.

My friend had come in her trendy casual look (she is younger than me and can get away with it).

When we got to the venue, one of London popular central club, we were shown up some stairs, then some more and, yes, some more. I felt like we were the new generation of lepers... We don't mind taking your money but we are a bit embarrassed to have you here....

Our hostess for the night sat us down and went through the proceedings for the night with us. First we each received a badge with our first name on it and a score card, we were to write each of our dates name and number (not telephone, badge number) on the card and then tick the appropriate box: Yes (we would like to date him), No or Friend. I was almost expecting: Marry, Shag, Over the Cliff. The last box was for comments, I quickly realised that you had to put something distinctive about him. Mine went along the lines of Oz, S.A., Policeman, spoke French, got there late. We were to make the notes between dates, not in front of the men and then the following day we would be able to upload our “votes” on the website and see our matches.

Then she explained how it would work. Each woman seats at a table, the one matching her number, the first date is the man with the matching number, then after 3 minutes the bell ring and each man moves up to the next date. So I would only need to control my chatting for 3 minutes at a time, surely even I could manage that!

Before the dates started we grab a quick drink with my colleague, a bit of Dutch courage. As pre The Rules, I kept my eyes to my glass, my table and my friend, I refrain from my usual visual radar search for Mr Right around the room. My colleague had a few look around. For what I had seen whilst ordering the drinks at the bar the mix of men seemed a good mix, now I just had to wait for the dates to start.

The girls were all dressed to impress and were not only checking out the men but also, and more importantly, the competition.

Time for the first date finally arrived. I went to seat at my table and wait, looking down at my glass for someone to arrive (Rule #3 Don't stare at a man or talk to much). An as per Rule #2 (Don't talk to a man first) I waited for him to say hi before looking up, thus saving me looking desperate. So I let him lead the conversation (Rule#17, yes I did managed to read quite a few of them before I went) and before we know it, it's time for date number 2. I grabbed my card to try to right down the name of #1 before #2 came along but moving from one chair to the next one down the line doesn't take quite long enough to allow me enough time to do that, so I just right #1.

I repeated the same step for my second micro date, only this time the guy was really shy, and wasn't taking the lead, I tried to encourage him a bit but finally gave up remembering that now I was a Rule Girl. This made for a rather long 3 minutes date...

#3 was very geeky but bless him he tried, and as a good Rule Girl I kept to my rules, I was polite, pleasant and reserved.

The next few dates were all quite interesting and I found myself rather enjoying it. The Rules were easy enough to follow on 3 minutes dates, even if from time to time I felt myself blabbering on and had to stop myself for a bit. I even had a gentlemen who fluently spoke French to me, a rather nice change from the usual "bonjour, Ca va?" followed by " Is that hello, how are you?"

Then came the psychologist, there is always one to spoil the fun and that was him. At least # 2 had the excuse of being shy, this one was just nasty. He sat as far back as he could in his chair, I couldn't hear a word when he spoke because he was simply too far. When I told him so he just made himself even more comfortable and carried on. At this stage I did break The Rules, but I didn't swear! When he said he was a psychologist I became sarcastic "That would explain why you are seating back like that", deep down I wanted to add "you arrogant twat". But like a true lady I kept it to myself. As it turned out, neither my friend nor the girl seating next to me had anything nice to say about him either. So, it wasn't me then...

By the end of evening I had dated 14 men, none had ticked my "Yes" box, although a couple would have made the maybe list, I had ticked 3 "No" (#2 and #3 where amongst them, I let you guess the last one) and I had put the rest down as "Friend".

My friend and I stayed for a last drink at the end of the event. Again following the rules I didn't look out for any of the men and quietly waited to see if one of them might come back for a longer chat, my last date had stayed a bit longer and his friend #1 had come back, but I wasn't really interested in either of them.

I started chatting with the girl seating at the table next to me. Like me she had dragged her friend along. She was going to another Singles night the following night, on her own. We exchange details and agree to meet up for a girls night out soon.

Now, I had to wait until the following day, at least, to find out how well I did and how those gentlemen had rated me. But this is for another time...

Practice makes perfect

I just couldn't wait last night to crack on with the book. I took it with me to bed and started reading. A lot of it felt familiar, and often like something I have witnessed before from a far, something I already knew but hadn't been ready to face... Could it already be touching a nerve?
I finally managed to put the book down at Chapter 4 but only at Rule# 1.

Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”.

With that in mind I have decided that tonight should be pampering night. File my nails, put some pretty colour on them. Do a facial, give my face and my body a good scrub. Wash my hair with that special treatment that I had saved for special occasions. The full Monty of a woman's grooming. It made sense that if I felt sexy others where more likely to perceive me that way too.
But this wasn't the only reason I went through all that “painful”pampering. I have decided to trial the Rules out in the "real" world... tomorrow night!

Practice makes perfect right? And where better to practice than at a speed dating event? So, armed with all my charms, and a bit of forcefulness, I managed to convince one of my colleagues to join me. Now I just need to a) pick an outfit b) read a few more chapters to get me ready for my 17 dates tomorrow!
Wish me luck!

Let's the challenge begin!

So my bible for the next few months has finally arrived (proof above). I now have to start the next part of the challenge : reading it. And looking at it this won't be a small challenge... 35 rules over 380 pages. Really? Does one need as many as ten pages per rule? How complicated are those rules?

I had to find out and so ,whilst on skype to one of my friends in San Francisco, took a sneaky peek. Page one sure gives you a flavour of things to come.

Rules Sampler:

• Don't meet him half way or go Dutch on a date

(OK, I'm sure I can manage that...)

• Don't open up too fast

(Ah... now, that might be more difficult. I have two blogs and a very active Facebook account. Needless to say more)

• Don't call him and rarely return his call

( My friend came up with a novel idea for this one... Save his number under “DON'T CALL” on your mobile... This might get a bit embarrassing if you have one of those clever phones which reads out loud the name of your caller. Situation, you are on another date at a caf' and your phone ring “don't call”...”don't call”... Ummm... not sure how sane you would appear at this stage)

• Don't expect a man to change or try to change him

( I think that this one I found out by myself a few years back... Another story better kept for another time and place)

Now, a few other pearls not in the appetisers:

“Don't stare at men...” again this seems straight forward enough. My mum told me that when I was 3 but I can see again the sanity card being questioned there.

“Don't discuss The Rules with your therapist” What?! Does that mean I need to get a therapist??? ( I am starting wondering who this book has truly been written for?)

So, some of the rules are a bit out there, but a lot of them seem just plain common sense. Unfortunately a quick overview at the content of this book tells me that I have mainly be listening to my heart/hormone/body clock (call it as you wish) rather than my brain. And, where every where else in my life I have always shown a lot of it, my love life has seriously been lacking of good old common sense. Men are hunters and woman are just another pray which, if they are clever enough, could become a life long trophy.

Now let's get started in turning myself into an attractive pray and must have trophy!

My Mission should I wish to accept it...

After many years of trying it my own way, without much success so far, I have decided to try it the American way. I bought a copy of "All The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right".

This book was first published in 1995 by two American women, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, it quickly became the bible for any single woman in the United States and its followers became known as "Rules Girls". Neither of the co-writer had any experience in human behaviour or psychology when writing this book, they mainly took their inspiration from theirs and their friends experience on the matter. But according to their website the method has been hugely successful. Then again, it is there to promote the book and all of its sequels (The Rules of Marriage, The Rules of Dating Online...).

Closer to home, one of my friend bought the book a few years ago and decided to follow them to the letter. I was quick to dismiss that finding Mr Right should be the result of a tactical game and strongly felt that love was a passionate and spontaneous affair, not a war strategy. However that same year she met her Mr Right and 2 years later they were married.

So, here is where I am at: I am a single, 32 years old, and feel at this stage that surely I don't have much to loose by trying The Rules... or do I?

Well, this blog will allow you to follow my progress whilst I try to religiously obey to The Rules. I should be receiving the book in the next few days, start reading it and try to put the theory into practice. I will also be recruiting a few friends for moral support and maybe some tactical back up...

Let's the Rules begin!