A few weeks ago I decided to revisit some of my past relationship to get a better understanding into why I have so far failed to find Mr Right. Taking my courage in both hands I prepared an e-mail and send it, reluctantly, to an old flame, Mr Ken. I knew he had met someone after we split up and he was engaged.
Within half a day I had a message back. He felt uncomfortable putting his thought on an e-mail, too impersonal and it could be misinterpreted. He suggested that we meet instead.
We met up a few days later in a pub near my work and suddenly the real reason for us meeting up became much clearer. A few months back he realised that he wasn't in love with his fiancée and that it was time to call it a day. He took full advantage of her trip back home to let her know not to bother to come back but that is she did it would be to move out. Pretty much since that day he had been trying to get her to move out, with no result.
As t turned out he only had fond memories of us, apparently our break up was all due to poor timing, and judging by his behaviour, he was keen to rekindle our old relationship. We had a couple of drinks over dinner and then took the tube home. Each to our own. But not before he made me promise to keep in touch.
Last week he sent me a text asking whether we had made plans last time and when would I be free to catch up again. Not sure I am ready to revisit this relationship.
Somehow it seems that one ex attracts another. Whilst I was on Skype I received a message from someone I had met at a friend's wedding. He was at the time already with a partner but seem to struggle to keep his pants on. The only reason we did not sleep together was because of my rule (which as I found out recently is also one of The Rules): No married or taken men, it only lead to tears. Mr Droppingpants seem to find himself single again and keen to come and visit me. The thing is, I know him to well, what he is looking for is to re-establish himself as a Casanova, get his bit of fun and go back home. Well this bit of fun is a very exclusive membership only access amusement park, so exclusive in fact that it will be a single ticket holder access, and I very much doubt he can afford this ticket.
As happy memories always come in threes, last but not least: Mr Biker is an old flame from 3 years ago, imagine Justin Timberlake on a motorbike, nicely pumped up and you have Mr Biker. He has always been cheeky and very much of a tease, but also, and despite what people think, a very sweet man with a very warm huge. He came to join me and a friend at mine on Friday night. He confided on how hard this summer had been for him, he has lost a friend in a terrible accident and didn't really have anyone to share his pain with. A band of bikers just aren't that shoulder to cry on type. He made his excuse to stay a bit longer after my friend left. We chatted a bit. The play fight that followed led to inevitable awkward moment. A couple of kisses and the knowledge that we had been down that path many times before. And as much as I like him, I also know there is no future for us, we each have very different priorities in life. The moment passed and he left, slightly embarrassed. The following day I received a text. " I want to apologise for my stupid behaviour last night and I promise you that it should never happen again. I just want to be your good friend." I felt bad. I longed his huge but also knew that nothing else could happen.
One of my friends used to say that true friendship between male and female wasn't possible, one of the two parties would always want more. I didn't believe him at the time and thought I had many examples proving him wrong. I have since found out that in most of those examples one of the two had been deeply, yet secretly, in love with the other. It is sometime difficult to know how to manage such a friendship without hurting the other person. One can only try her best.